Making Local Friends as Au Pair

I think that is our biggest fear and biggest wish at the same time as Au Pairs. Making friends. Moving to a different country and not knowing anyone and starting from scratch is hard. Our biggest wish, to make fast connections and find friends to feel less lonely and less overwhelmed.

The good thing is that there will be other Au Pairs around you that are looking for the exact same and thanks to the LCC (Local Community Counselor) you will find contact to them fast. But what about the locals? And if you don’t vibe with the Au Pairs that are in your Cluster?

Having Local friends has multiple benefits. They know the country, they know the area and all the best spots to see, eat, drink, visit and so on. The chances of finding someone you totally vibe with and will be your next best friend are also more likely. After all, there are more Locals in America than Au Pairs. The only problem how to get to know them and make them actually your friends? You work from home and it’s not that you can just be friends with the stranger you see in the grocery store. I mean you can, but I think you get the point. So let’s get over where to find and approach Locals to make a friendship possible.

How to find Local friends?

Let’s think about how you made your friends in the past. Most likely you met them in school, they are colleagues from work, team mates from a sport, friends from a regular hobby and so on. What do they all have in common? Yes, a place you visit over and over again and saw the same people over and over again. The same you want to create when you are an Au Pair. Since you don’t go to school here and you don’t have colleagues either (besides the kiddos and hopefully you become their friends too, but we need other adults) you want to find a sport, place or hobby you will go over and over again and will see the same people over and over again.

Where to find Locals friends?

Here are some Examples of where you can start looking to make Local friendships

1. Gym/ sportclub

   Find a local Gym or a sport you like to do and sign up for weekly sessions. At a public Gym I would try to go to the same times every week so you will run into the same people over and over again. You don’t have to be super athletic to join a sport team or even know yet hoe to play it. Trying something new will fall also in the category of making the most out of your Au Pair time and challenge you to grow into the person you are meant to be.

   Sports that require a team effort or having a community feeling are I general preferred, that will make it easier to get into the community. (Like Acro Yoga, Soccer, Volleyball, and so on)

2. Facebook Groups

   Most Americans are still using Facebook. You will find that there are still very active on there, so naturally they are using the group feature a lot. For every Hobby you can think of there will be a Facebook group for it. You just have to go on there find the local group for you hobby and ask in there for a meetup because you are new to the area/ new to the hobby. (This is how I found the majority of my local friends, I found a SoCal surfing group when I moved to Cali and asked if someone wants to go surfing. Many people responded, not everyone was a friend at the end but quite some.)

3. Bumble BFF

   Bumble is a dating app but with a twist. You can change to friend mode and look for friends instead of dates. This is a really good way to make one on one connections and make new friends. But be aware it will still feel like a dating app. Ghosting happens also here, so just keep that in mind and don’t get frustrated if you don’t meet up with someone right away.

4. Meet up

   Meet up is another app you can easily use. What I like about it, is that you don’t meet a single person you meet a whole group of people. It’s a mix from dating app and Facebook groups. Meet up offers a platform for groups of the same interests to schedule meet ups. So go on there and check out which groups are in you local area, what sounds interesting for you and meet up with them. If you go regular you will run into the same people over and over again.

5. Dating apps

   Yes, I know how this sound and I don’t necessarily want you to find a boyfriend. But going on dates has multiple purposes. One, you will go on fun dates and fun activities to special places they know will be good. And if you don’t date romantically you can always say: ‘Hey, I really had a fun time today and I really like your vibe. I want to be open and upfront with you I don’t feel the romantic spark for us. But since i’m here just for a year (months) I would like us to be friends. We seem to have the same interests so lets just have fun as friends. If you are okey with that, let me know.” Something like that. Important to communicate well what you want and look for.

6. College Classes

   Yes, I said we don’t go to school anymore, but we can choose to do our Au Pair credits at a College and there you have it again. The same people you will se over and over again. Perfect to make some good connections.

7. Church/ Volunteer

   If you are religious going to Church and getting involved in the Community will give you immediately a Community to be part off. If you are not religious volunteering in the city you live in might be another good option. Check out local libraries or the web page in your community and get involved.

With all these options you just need to do one more thing. BE OPEN. All these things will not help you if you are not walking up to people and talk to them. One of my favorite strategies is to pretend I don’t know how to do something and ask for help, for example in a climbing gym I was asking a group of people that looked nice if they can help me to check if i’m hooked in correct, even tho I knew I was. It’s all about getting the conversation going.

And don’t give up. Keep showing up even if its awkward at first. The example I just mentioned? Yes, the people helped me and were nice. But as soon as they were done helping me they turned around and kept talking to themselves. I didn’t keep the conversation. I didn’t feel so good after, but I learned and the next time I approached a group I kept asking things and hold the conversation. We all learn. You got this.

Now go out there and make some friends.

Your online Au Pair bestie, Michelle