5 Things I Learned As Au Pair
Every Season in Life is teaching us something and looking back now onto my 2,8 years of experience as Au Pair I learned some interesting things that I want to pass on to you. Hoping that they will be helpful for you as well.
First let me tell you a little bit about my Au Pair journey in the US to give you context. I was an Au Pair during the Pandemic which allowed me to get a special extension from the government so I could stay longer than the usual 2 years. My first year I finished in Ohio, Cleveland. For my extension year I moved to LA, California. But only for two weeks before I rematched for my safety. My second Au Pair year I lived with a Host family in Laguna, California. For my special extension I moved back to my first Host family in Cleveland, Ohio. Why I made this choice you will read right now so let’s get started.
Choose Family over Location
When I first looked for a Host family I did the right thing without consciously knowing. I choose my Family after my gut feeling. What I really wanted was to find a Family with a baby (cause I love baby’s), where it’s always warm and hopefully by an ocean. But starting to interviewing all these Families it made clear for me I couldn’t just live with anyone. I need to feel good living there. So when I had the first talk with my Host family in Ohio it just felt right. They had a baby but no ocean and no hot weather all year. So not the location I was looking for but I felt so good with them, that I choose them and I was so right. I had the best and happiest year of my life.
For my extension I decided to be with another family (this decision has many aspects and I save that for another day) but this time I heavily based my decision on location. I was okey with going home if I don’t find a nice family that’s living on a surfable ocean. Lucky enough after 70+ families I found a Family in LA they seemed just right. Super nice, baby and on the ocean. We matched, I moved and I was wrong. They were nothing like they said they would be and this can always happen and that’s what rematch is for. But parts of me believe that I might would have seen the red flags if I wouldn’t have been so focussed on the location.
Since you just have two weeks in rematch to find a new Host family I didn’t have much time but I found a family in an even better location. Closer to the beach, with baby. I interviewed multiple families but this one seemed the best fit. BUT already during the interview one of the host parents give me a vibe, a vibe that I knew well. A vibe that indicates that their mental health is not good. I was there myself and felt I could be maybe from assistance to support and help here especially. What in the end turned out to be wrong. The Host parent resented me and had a very toxic behavior against me what made it difficult for me. I was living in paradise, but the living situation made me so unhappy that I couldn’t fully enjoy it.
That’s why I decided to move away from them for my special extension. You can’t be happy in paradise if you live in a toxic environment. So please choose always a good Family over your location. My Ohio Host family are the nicest people and it was important to them to give me a good experience. You want to be with good people. That’s how you can be happy.
2. More than one Lifestyle
Growing up in Germany we get the message that there is just one path to life. Find a good job, work hard and save money. Changing your career is not something that’s normal. Germany doesn’t have a lot of people who work for themselves. In general our culture doesn’t help each other out, we don’t care for strangers. That’s the majority. But coming and living in the US changed my perspective. For once to be surrounded by people, strangers who are nice and give random compliments. But also living with a Host family that owns a Family business is inspiring. Something I didn’t really experienced in Germany. Once I made local friends and got really into the American culture I was impressed, these are normal people like you and me who started with nothing and work for themselves. Building their own business. It doesn't have to be the 9-5 (that’s a average full time job here in America). I mean nothing wrong with it, but I realized for the first time that I have options. There are mulitple ways and I can choose whatever I want, whenever I want. I can change my mind as often as I want for my career and it’s never too late.
3. Friends - Quality is more important than quantity
The dream is you come to the US as Au Pair and you have a bunch of Au Pair friends and local friends who live in your neighborhood and you can do everything together with them.
But then I got here and there were no Au Pairs close to me and the Au Pairs that would come to the Cluster meetings where not really interested in the things I wanted to do. For example the German Au Pairs wanted to meet and watch German Tv. No, sorry that’s not what I’m here for. So reality was it was not easy for me to make friends. I mean I could have just do what they did but then I would have missed out on so many things just because I want to belong?
At some point, I found two Au pair friends and it was great, they lived a bit further but we traveled together, but I also did a lot on my own. And I really feel I made the most out of the time I had. And then big surprise when I moved to California I found a couple of local friends. It was very easy since everybody was outdoorsy and they liked the same things as me.
What I want to say is, don’t waste your time with ‘friends’ doing things you don’t like/ want, just to ‘have friends’ that will just leave you feeling alone surrounded by people who do not really care for you and at the end you feel like you didn’t do enough during your Au pair time.
Wait for people who align with you and if you don’t find them yet? That’s okay, do I by yourself! They will come. Life gives us what we NEED not what you WANT. So maybe you are meant to be alone for a while to learn something before the right people can join your life. And believe it’s worth the wait. The friends I made in California are gold. Some of the best people I’ve met in my life.
4. Have a Bucketlist
The first couple of days and weeks after moving here I was overwhelmed. So many new places and things to explore. Just a year time, which sound like a lot in the beginning and you are concerned if It will ever end but then it will fly by. I simply didn’t know where to start, also not knowing anyone. and you know what saved me? A bucket list. My best friend in Germany did some research and gave me a list with 6 Places. Places I need to find and take selfies and send her. That saved me, I had a purpose, I knew what to do and every weekend I would look for another one which ended up in one adventure after another. From being in the middle of nowhere in a ghost town to being chased with a security golf cart since the spot was (by accident) on a privately owned property. And once I met people it gave us something to talk about. I was able to invite them to come on an adventure with me. It was super fun. Have a bucket list. It helps you in the beginning to get started and later on it will make sure you make the most out of your time. Over the time I had so many different ones.
This is the Selfie- Bucketlist my best friend made me.
I wrote many Bucketlists after that for me. One for my weekend-off travels, one for summer, fall, winter and spring. I had one for Holidays, like Thanksgiving: eating pumpkin pie, drink pumpkin latte, pick a pumpkin, watch the parade and so on. I made also a Bucketlist for my state I was living in (ohio, california) of things I want to see, how much they cost and how long the drive is. I used this list for short adventures on a day off.
5. Indepence
Don’t get me wrong. I was independent before, I lived on my own for over 5 years before becoming an Au Pair. I knew how to take care of myself. BUT I also had always a support system. My mom who would bring me a ballon when I was going thru a break up and my best friend I could drive to if I needed help to deal with emotions. When you are an Au Pair you don’t have that, you are miles and timezones away from the people you know and love.
And besides of feeling alone there will be other things you will have to deal with by yourself. My first major thing was a heartbreak and a brain tumor in one week. When I found out about the tumor it was 9pm, I couldn’t ask my Host family what to do, it was the middle of the night in Germany so I couldn’t call anybody and the few Au Pair friends i had couldn’t help me either because they don’t know the American healthcare system themselves. (Don’t worry it’s not the kind I’m gonna die from)
Things like that are going to happen and you will find a way to deal with them. That will make you realize you are stronger than you think you are. You can do hard things by yourself and this is something so beautiful. There will be people to support you, but knowing you can do it by yourself is a superpower you have within yourself. Being an Au pair helped me to discover it. Other people are a bonus to my life not a necessity!
I hope you can find some value in this for yourself and your Au Pair journey.
Love, Michelle
